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Well, I haven't puked since Friday. That's always a good thing. I've wanted pasta, mushrooms, and alfredo sauce for a while so James is cooking it for us.

I still can't shake this fever. I have a cough, I'm stuffy, my head hurts and is congested, and my neck hurts. I've been taking Tylenol but it only brings the fever down by a degree or two, so I still have a fever. It's got me concerned.

I have an appointment with my OB on Wednesday, but I'll be calling them tomorrow morning to see if I can get in any earlier. Hopefully they will be able to get me in.
I'm going to bed in a minute.

I've vomited nine times today. I think it's a new record. I also have a headache and a fever. I couldn't eat anything all day of course, and I couldn't keep anything down yesterday either.

This sucks.

ETA: TEN times. TEN. Ridiculous. Goodnight all.
My mom's youngest brother got married in October. His wife is pregnant and is due on December 5. Our kids will be born a month apart, provided no one comes too early or too late [let's hope that doesn't happen!]. I'm so stoked about that. =)

My mom is trying to plan my shower, and it's turning out to be an adventure to find a decent date. This whole wedding really quickly thing kind of sucks at times, but what can ya do. Insurance is necessary for a baby and he's the one who has it, not me.

Today was an awful day for being sick. Last week at the doctor's I was told to stop taking my prenatal vitamins because I keep getting sick, so I haven't been taking them. Monday and yesterday were very good days for me to be able to eat food and everything, so I decided to try taking the vitamins again last night. Bad idea. Such a bad idea, in fact, that I couldn't even work today. Ridiculous. My mom had the same problem with me--karma, I guess.
Monday I had my first ultrasound. Baby's heartbeat was 124, which is within normal range, and the size indicated that I am a little over 6 weeks along. Due date is now January 7, 2010.

I haven't eaten in two days. I can't keep anything down at all. No prenatal vitamins, no saltine crackers, no water. I've been terribly nauseated and I keep bringing up whatever I try to eat. Yuck.

I had a doctor's appointment today and they prescribed some reglan to try to calm my stomach. I'll be picking that up from the pharmacy tonight, and hopefully it works. We also went over the results of last week's bloodwork. Everything is just fine.

James's mom and his aunt are cleaning out his grandmother's house. James has ordered cables and stuff for the new wiring and it should be in by the end of the week. Maybe we'll be able to move in by June afterall. =)
I got paid for two hours at work today to see The Wizard Of Oz at the Kirby Center with my first client and her school. That was pretty badass.

I had bloodwork done today because I need a bunch of tests for the pregnancy. They are testing for hepatitis B and C, HIV, Rh blood factors, a whole bunch of stuff. They took EIGHT vials of blood! I got a little woozy sitting there, lol.

My first ultrasound is Monday, and I have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday. I have to miss my first client for the ultrasound on Monday but the Wednesday appointment is after work, so that's good. I get paid on Wednesday and I'm going to try to take Melanie to the vet on Friday or Saturday. She hasn't been there since the beginning of the year. I'm sure she's still doing well, though. =)

James and I went to the mall tonight. I was measured for bras last month at a 32D or 32DD, so today I bought one 34D and two 34DD bras. It's a little crazy, haha, because the C cups haven't fit right for like 3 months so it's not even pregnancy-related. I did need a new pair of bigger jeans, though. They are a size 6 in a higher rise. I could have bought a 4 in a lower rise because of how my belly sits, but I wanted a higher rise. Plus the new jeans are even a little big, so I have some room to grow into them before I need maternity pants. I've been having a hard time getting into my size 2 jeans, I guess that's why, lol. I know I won't need to wear them for long and I'll be back to my normal size (a 2, or maybe a 4, but definitely not a 6) sometime after the pregnancy, but I'll keep them as my "fat pants". =)

Leaving the mall there was a HUGE FUCKING DOWNPOUR of rain. James ran to the call and the water in the parking lot was up to the middle of his shins. Then on the way home on the cross valley, we saw a double rainbow. I took pictures. It was so neat. I'd never seen one before!

2-hour season finale of Grey's Anatomy tonight omg!
James's mom gave me a Mother's Day present. What To Expect When You're Expecting. She signed the card from Grandma, Grandpa, and Auntie Court. =)
I'm about 4 weeks pregnant.

I didn't get a period in April, so when I went to Ashley's last weekend for her graduation, I took a pregnancy test to make sure I could go out drinking with her. It was positive. So was the second and the third one.

We told his parents on Saturday night, then I got bloodwork on Monday to confirm. We got the results on Tuesday and told my parents.

His parents are excited. My mother is excited. I think my father is in shock a little still. Courtney is so stoked and Allan couldn't care less.

James couldn't be happier. I'm not excited yet, but I'm getting there I guess. He's hoping for a boy but will be happy with a girl; I feel the opposite way. I want to find out the sex and he doesn't, so I don't know how I'll manage to keep that a secret from him!

Instead of getting married on 5-21-10, we're now getting married some Friday of THIS August. I'm meeting with the Genetti's planner on Saturday and my dad is coming with me. I've looked into a ton of reception sites in the past 6 months and they are the cheapest I've found that's a reasonable distance away from us and our families. I'm glad we haven't put any deposits down yet!

It's not your birthday yet where you are, but it is where I am. ♥

Love you, have a great day!!
According to doineedajacket.com, it's 86 degrees where I am right now. YUCK!

On the upside, my "hot" mood icon is a shirtless picture of Patrick Dempsey. =)
James and I went to his aunt Debbie's house so he could do something with her step-son's iPod. I like Debbie a lot and we had a nice conversation--for a few hours, as all the computer work took quite a long time. I also finally met Marlie, Debbie's dog. She's a boxer and she's pretty old actually, but she's still rambunctious. It's funny because for 7 years Debbie has been signing all my holiday, etc. cards with Marlie's name also, and now I finally met her. [Then again I just met her step-son, A.J., a few years ago and he "signs" all my cards, too.] She slobbered all over the legs of my jeans, though. I guess that's the thing with boxers, lol.

We had a good Easter. James came to my parents' house, then we went to Grandma and Pop's, then to his parents' house. Good food and good company at every place.

He and I watched Marley & Me later that night. I knew the dog died at the end, but oh my god, I still cried for like 20 minutes. Sobbed, sniffled, the works. It made me miss Freeway so much, and he's been dead since January of 2004. I mean, wow. What a sad ending!

James and I are going out tonight. We're together for seven years today. =)
LiveJournal is turning 10 and we're feeling nostalgic. What was your first LJ post about?

in the beginning...
...nikki finally listened to mel and made a livejournal! i deleted my blurty, and i'm starting here from scratch. i hope i can make this thing look at least half-decent. here goes nothing...
What is your favorite old-school video game?

Pre-1990: Super Mario Brothers, Tetris, Paperboy, Punchout
1990-1995: Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and 3*, Super Mario World, Super Mario Brothers 3

*Sonic the Hedgehog is, of course, awesome. The games are better with Tails, though.
3 memes because I can't sleepCollapse )
ER was my favorite show for a long, long time. I watched it religiously with my mom, then myself, up until season 13 or so after Noah Wyle left. I didn't watch much of season 14 but did catch up on TNT recently, and then I watched 15 this year.

I know lots of people stopped watching when George Clooney left after season 5, then more when Anthony Edwards' character died after season 8. It wasn't the same or very good anymore for me after Maura Tierney and Goran Visnjic left early this season, and then they had Parminder Nagra leave a couple episodes ago which was fucked, because why leave when there are like 5 episodes left?

Before the final episode tonight, they had a one-hour special with favorite scenes from all the seasons and all the main cast (except George Clooney =( ) talking about them. I'm kind of surprised I didn't cry. Of course they showed the scene with Clooney getting a boy out of a flooding drain pipe, then standing in water holding the boy and there's helicopter lights shining down on them. I remember watching that episode when it aired with my mom in her bedroom, and being so relieved that they both lived. That episode aired, according to Wiki, the day after I turned 10 and I still remember it.

My Thursday night still has Grey's Anatomy, but I'm gonna miss ER.
What was your favorite movie when you were a kid? Is it still your favorite now that you're older?

The Lion King, and it's still among my favorites. [I can't decide on a single favorite.] Before that it was 101 Dalmatians, which I still love.
I babysat Ashley's nieces, Natalynn and Kiera, today. Natalynn is 23 months old, and Kiera is 6 months old. We had a pretty good time. I watched them two days ago, when Ashley was in WB, so she could take Courtney (her sister/their mom) grocery shopping. No one wants to grocery shop with two little kids, right? Haha. Natalynn had a little meltdown that night when I wouldn't let her play with Courtney's new comptuer (she isn't allowed), but today was virtually meltdown-free. At one point, Natalynn had a poopy diaper and she did NOT want me to change it (Melanie, does Bia ever do that? lol wtf?) and Courtney said she did that to her the other day, too. She cried when I got her pants off and the diaper off, then once I wiped her she was happy again. I dunno, haha. Kiera only cried for like 5 minutes before her nap, then Natalynn napped shortly after. She likes to hold your hand while she sleeps, so I couldn't move at all, so I fell asleep on the couch with her for a few minutes while Ice Age was on. They both woke up right before their mom got home.

Courtney always feels bad asking me to watch them, but really, I don't mind at all. They're good kids and I love them both, they both like me (I love you! says Natalynn), and I have the extra time right now.

I wish I had my camera to take pictures. =( My charger has been missing for like a month. James and I went through my room together on Saturday evening looking for it and couldn't find it. I was able to use Ashley's charger for a little while on Saturday, so I could get some power in the battery to lend the camera to my dad. He's in DC right now with the other firefighter union representatives--he left Sunday early afternoon and is coming back Wednesday sometime.

I miss Ashley. I'm too poor to make frequent trips to Bloomsburg, and I only saw her for like 2 hours while she was here on Friday. I was all set for months to go to Bloomsburg for the weekend of April 10, because Cabinet (Megan's brother's band) is playing at a bar down there on the 11th, but I just realize a few days ago that Sunday the 12th is Easter. Son of a bitch. =( That frees up that Saturday for me to potentially go to Mountain Top to see Titus, if James wants to go/I'll be able to find the place/the cover isn't too expensive, but I'd rather be in Bloomsburg.

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow that James is coming to. We'll see how that goes.
If you could ask your pet any question (and they could answer you), what would it be?

I'd ask my cat if the treatments for her CRF are okay with her. She tolerates them well and I really think I'm doing the right thing by her, but I wish I knew for sure.
Just for reference purposes, here's a list of very important people in my wedding. =) We'll have 5 attendants on each side, so a bridal party of 12 including us. I actually thought 4 on each side would be better, but I didn't want to leave anyone out and cause hurt feelings or anything. In retrospect, 4 may have worked because I really don't think my cousin expected me to ask her, but she is really excited and I'm glad, because I've always wanted her in my wedding. My side feels complete the way it is and I'm really happy with it.

Bride: me!
Groom: James. We started dating on 4/15/2002, got engaged on paper in August 2007, and he gave me my ring on 11/15/2008. Then I immediately changed both of our Facebook status and sent very happy text messages.

Maid of honor: Marisa, marisa81985. She's been my best friend since our first day of kindergarten. She's my sister. Her family is my family.

Bridesmaid: Ashley, ashez728. We met at Camp Louise in 2002, when we were CITs (counselors in training) together that summer and the summer after. Then for the next two summers, we worked there together. She was at Misericordia for two years with me, too, and I stayed at her apartment in Dallas a lot and now her apartment in Bloomsburg quite a bit. She's my other best friend.

Bridesmaid: Sadie, daisee. My wife! We started talking online in early 2005 because of Hanson stuff. She's from Nebraska and flew out here for a long weekend in March 2007 to visit me and see a Hanson show. I flew out to Nebraska to stay with her for a week in August of 2007 and again in August of 2008. I can't wait until she comes back to PA!

Bridesmaid: Courtney. James's 18-year-old sister, a freshman at Misericordia. I like Courtney more than James does. Besides, I always wanted a little sister.

Bridesmaid: Caitlin, my 20-year-old cousin. She's my closest cousin and the closest thing I had to a little sister growing up. We had sleepovers constantly.

Flower girl (hopefully): Natalynn, Ashley's baby niece. She'll have just turned 3 by the time our wedding comes around, so I'm hoping with all my heart that she'll be able to handle it, because I really want a flower girl and I love Natalynn. She loves me, too, and even says so! [It sounds like "I-da-doo", lol.] Haha I babysit her sometimes, and Ashley and I have taken her and her little sister Kiera overnight a few times to give Ashley's sister, also a Courtney, a break.

James hasn't picked his groomsmen yet and wants to wait quite a while. He's concerned I picked mine too early, actually. If we had gotten married right out of high school [which really, is when we started talking about marriage--that would have been ridiculous though, getting married before we were even old enough to drink!], for example, his best man would have been our friend Ryan, who he doesn't even really talk to anymore.

My intended MOH has always been Marisa, though, and only untimely death could ever change that. The rest of my intended BP has changed a little since then, as friendships change, but I think the girls I have now are the ones who will stick with me. Courtney and I got closer as she got older, and she'll be my sister-in-law. Ashley is really a forever friend and so is Sadie. Ashley and I got so much closer the summer of 2003 at camp and then in college, and Sadie and I fly halfway across the country to see each other. Besides, anyone who welcomes me into their home and lets me share their bed is a keeper. ♥♥♥
This is all wedding chatter, haha.

we have a date!, etcCollapse )

I need to do a picture-heavy post soon. It will include the ugly BM dresses Ange and I saw at the last expo, along with me in some bridal gowns I tried on with Ashley and Megan last weekend.

I suppose I ought to post about one of the coolest historical things I'll have experienced, aka the Obama inauguration.

I wanted to go to DC for it. I'm only 5 hours away. Tickets were free and you can't sell out tickets for an open air event, so I'm sure I still could have gotten one, regardless of what so many people told me. I didn't want to go alone though, and didn't know anyone who wanted to go/were able to go. I wanted to be there physically for it, because how cool will that be in 20 years? To have said I was there? It's like if you were alive in the 60s and participated in Civil Rights marches. It's something amazing to look back on. This inauguration was my generation's March on Washington, really.

It's just as well though, because I'm very sick and I probably would have ended up with pneumonia if I'd gone. Then I'd have a hospital bill I couldn't pay because of no insurance, and I'd probably have to declare bankruptcy and then James and I wouldn't be able to get a house. So that's my rationalization for not just driving myself down there.

I did get to watch it though, even though I was working. So I can still say I was a part of it. =) Campus Activities had an event in the Student Center lobby to watch it with cake and punch. My coworker Tiffany and I were stationed there the entire time, so I got to see everything from like 11:20 until after the swearing.

Just a few things I wanted to comment on:

1. Bush getting booed. Seriously, wtf? I don't like the guy and I proudly sport my "I still hate George Bush" shirt, but I would NEVER BOO HIM. He was the president. A good president or not, he was still the president and deserves the respect that comes with that.

2. Cheney in a wheelchair. I know the guy just got out of the hospital and all, and he's super old. But really, for the VP of a world superpower, we couldn't spring for a motorized scooter for the guy? They had some lady pushing him in a regular, run-of-the-mill wheelchair. I have a friend with MS who is in a wheelchair. It's motorized, it lifts her up so she's not so far below everyone else height-wise, AND it climbs stairs. And she's a regular girl whose parents aren't loaded or anything. James thinks it's more dignified for him to be pushed in a regular chair, as a motorized scooter seems like more of a permanent thing whereas a normal chair seems like a temporary setback, but I disagree. I think the motorized ones give a sense of independence the normal ones obviously can't.

3. The "faithfully" flub. So the Chief Justice had never sworn anyone in before, and his first time had to be during the biggest inauguration in history, so I feel bad for the guy. But I wish more people realized that he is the one who screwed it up, and not Obama. Then of course, you have tons of stupid people going "OMG OBAMA SCREWED UP THE OATH SO HE'S NOT REALLY PRESIDENT". Every newscaster discussed how Obama was actually president before he even took the oath, as the presidency changes over at 12noon EST on January 20th as per the Constitution. The oath is just a traditional formality. It's an important one, but the president is still the president however it happens.

4. The Bible: Oh my gosh, Obama used a Bible? I thought he was Muslim and wanted to swear on a Koran? I am the most gullible person I know, but at least I don't believe email forwards. It astounds me that people are skilled enough with a computer to receive and send email, but can't type "is Obama a Muslim?" into a search engine. Or maybe it just astounds me that people will believe whatever nonsense they read without a second fleeting thought. Either way, the stupidity makes me so sad.

5. IT WAS THE LINCOLN BIBLE. Abraham Lincoln is my favorite president. He was one of the greatest of all time. I was surprised to learn no one else has been sworn in on that same bible. I'm wondering if past presidents used Washington's bible or a family bible or something. 26 presidents since Lincoln, and even more inaugurations because of multiple terms, and only Obama used Lincoln's bible. I really wonder why no one else had, and why he chose to use it. I understand Lincoln freed the slaves, but as far as I know, Obama's ancestors aren't African-American slaves. His father was Kenyan and his mother was a white woman, so that really makes him half African, not so much African-American. I know Michelle has roots in the American South though, so she likely had slave ancestors and it probably meant a lot to her. Either way, I was really glad to see something of Lincoln's used.

6. First family. I think Michelle Obama is so pretty and has an air of strength about her that I see in videos of Jackie O. I think her youth has a lot to do with that, obviously. And the little girls? Too cute. Having kids in the White House is something sweet, I think. I can remember Chelsea Clinton, but she was nearly 13 her father's inauguration. Bush's twins were like 19 or 20. The Obama girls are 7 and 10. They're pretty much all of American's kids now, and it'll be sweet to see how they grow up.

I'm 23, and I think that's still pretty young. My parents' generations (technically they are in different generations, even though they're only 5 years apart) remember where they were when Kennedy was killed, when the Challenger blew up, when the Berlin Wall came down. For me, right now, I remember the San Francisco earthquake of 1989. I remember the Oklahoma City bombing. I remember Columbine. I remember when I found out Princess Diana had died. I remember Y2k. I remember 9/11. And I will remember the inauguration of President Barack Obama.
Thank you to those who commented on my last entry. It was great to get perspective from both people who know my family and people who just know me. It was also good to hear that I'm not being ridiculous by worrying and being upset about it, because that was a concern of mine. =)

I was so pent up about all the shit going on that I forgot to post about the good news! MELANIE IS DOING EXCELLENT. You may or may not be tired of hearing about a sick kitty, but this is BIG NEWS.

Melanie had been getting really fussy about her fluid treatments, so I couldn't get the recommended 200-250mls twice a week into her. She'd start whining and moving around and would finally jump away before I was finished, so James started coming over to help me hold onto her and everything. It's easier with two people and we made a little progress, but she was still being especially fussy probably 75% of the time. Now, when she gets really really fussy, I stop the treatment. I am unsure of myself and my skill at times and am afraid of hurting her with the needle, so I stop when she gets bad because there is the off-chance that I'm hurting her.

James and I took her to the vet on Saturday the 10th. We went in together and saw Dr. Edwards and let her know what has been going on. I was initially going to ask her to re-teach both of us to give the fluids, but she said I wasn't doing anything wrong with the injections. She assured me that even if I were to stick her beyond right under her skin, the needle would just go into muscle which would make her sore but wouldn't be a terrible thing. We had a pre-op blood panel run to get her nitrogen levels and BUN, both of which have decreased significantly since her last panel a few months ago.

And her createnine levels, the levels we keep careful track of? They usually hover around a 3.1 and the lowest ever was a 3.1 or 3.0. The highest ever was 14.2 when she was hospitalized this summer, and the highest before that was 6.6. Last week they were 2.6! Normal kidney function is 2.4! This is absolutely INCREDIBLE news!

Now I'm really starting to believe that James and I will move in together and she will be with us. And we'll get married and she'll still be alive. She'll be waiting for us when we come home from our honeymoon. Maybe she'll be around to see us have children. She'll be 13 this May, but that still isn't too old for a cat. This spring will also mark 3 years since her chronic renal failure diagnosis.

She's been my sweet little baby for over half my life. I am so, so glad it seems like she'll be around for longer than I thought. And I know she's got people pulling for her all over the place. =)
Stolen from inflictedangel ♥Rachel.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before? Graduated from college, got engaged.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year? My resolutions are always like "try to be a better person", and I don't think I'm ever a terrible person, so.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Yes, Ashley's sister Courtney had Kiera Lily. And I was almost her godmother!

4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thankfully.

5. What countries did you visit? No countries, but I did go to Nebraska to visit my wife, Sadie, again!

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? MY OWN HOME WITH MY FIANCE!

7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? May 17: graduation. November 15: proposal.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Graduating from college. No one in my family had ever done it before, so booyah for that. Oh, and getting engaged!

9. What was your biggest failure? Just graduating--no honors, nothing like that. I also lost my job but that was due to massive layoffs and nothing I did wrong.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? I was constantly sick when I lived with Gram and Pop. I fell in the woods in the summer (and Angela picked my ass up off the ground) and the cut on my leg didn't look too bad at the time, but it left a nasty scar. =( Mederma isn't really helping either.

11. What was the best thing you bought? Plane tickets to visit my wife. And James paid for most of this, but 3 days in the hospital for Melanie to get better.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? All my friends who got engaged?

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? My mother. Holy shit. And my grandparents at times. And my friends disappoint and upset me when they don't include me in things.

14. Where did most of your money go? My grandparents. Food. Melanie's vet appointments and her medication. Gas. Christmas presents.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? My engagement/planning my wedding, and I'm still really, really, really excited about it!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008? Natasha Bedingfield's "Pocketful of Sunshine", because Sadie thought it was "Bucketful of Sunshine" and now I always hear it like that haha.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? happier in some respects, sadder in others.
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter. I'm like 15 pounds heavier, which isn't a lot to a lot of people but it's a lot to me on my small frame
iii. richer or poorer? oh poorer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Concerts.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Been disappointed when I don't get included in things, worried about school, worried about work...basically, worried about or been disappointed about stuff out of my control.

20. How will you be spending Christmas? I spent it with my family, James's family, and my family again.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008? I feel like I fall more and more in love with him all the time. [Awwwwwwwwww.]

22. How many one-night stands? None.

23. What was your favorite TV program(s)? GREY'S ANATOMY, as if that's a big surprise.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? I don't hate anyone, so, no.

25. What was the best book you read? I think "The Old Man And The Sea" was the only book I read all year. Pretty shameful.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery? I love the new Jack's Mannequin.

27. What did you want and get? I WALKED WITH HANSON AND MET THEM. HOLY CRAP. And I wanted Melanie to be okay and she was and still is.

28. What did you want and not get? Autographs from Taylor and Zac. Fuckers didn't come outside after the show haha. But yay for Isaac for coming out to talk to all of us and sign things!

29. What was your favorite film of this year? I really liked Mamma Mia. I don't remember what was even out earlier in the year, though.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 23. James came over and we went to Rodano's to see our friends' bands play, and then I slept over his house. And we almost got engaged that night, but his family didn't give us the privacy he had asked for so it didn't work out. [He asked a week later so it was okay.]

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? Having graduated with honors. I was so used to being an overachiever AND being pretty smart, and in college I was slightly less of an overachiever and I didn't do that well grade-wise. I think I'll always be disappointed in myself for that. Maybe if I could have gotten out of my toxic environment it would have been better, but my parents decided it was more important for my aunt to stay with them than for me to come back home. =(

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? Jeans, tees, sweaters, sneakers, boots. Same as always really.

33. What kept you sane? My fiance and a few of my friends.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? Isaac, Taylor, and Zac Hanson. Always, for the past like 12 years. Let's be serious, that will probably never change at this point. Oh, and Patrick Dempsey. I'd do him in a heartbeat.

35. What political issue stirred you the most? Hillary's defeat made me really sad actually. And Sarah Palin pissed me off whenever she opened her mouth. And now we have a half-black president-elect, which is really awesome. I'd go to the inauguration if someone would go with me. I think it's going to be so cool to talk about that to the next generation.

36. Who do you miss? Calista. Melissa. It is so difficult for me to accept that certain friendships are different or fizzled or gone. I don't do well with change. I still love and think about all my friends I've ever been close to.

37. Who was the best new person you met? I don't think I made many new friends this year, haha. < me neither

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008: The problem with me and life lessons is that I don't learn them well.
Stolen from tinydancer7 =)

In 2008 I..
[x] experienced something new
[x] made new friends
[x] found out who your real friends are
[x] lied to your parents
[ ] snuck out
[ ] got arrested
[ ] got in trouble with police
[x] kissed in the rain
[ ] kissed in a pool
[x] kissed under the stars
[ ] smoked for the first time
[ ] smoked on 4:20
[x] got wasted
[x] went to a party
[ ] gotten so messed up u passed out
[ ] got busted for drugs
[ ] got kicked out of school
[ ] failed a drug test
[x] had the time of your life
[x] danced
[x] fell in love
[ ] fell out of love
[x] had a crush on someone [James]
[ ] changed your sexual preference
[ ] swam in the lake
[x] swam in a pool
[ ] made a snowman
[ ] went snowboaring
[ ] went sledding
[x] slept in past 2 pm
[x] held someones hand that you care about
[x] had a fling or relationship with someone
[x] got wasted in a public place
[ ] got wasted in mexico
[ ] tell someone you like them as more than a friend
[x] take pictures
[x] go on vacation
[x] go on vacation with a friend [I went to a friend]
[x] driven a car
[ ] skinny dipped
[ ] played strip poker
[x] gone to a movie theater
[ ] danced in the rain
[ ] got in a car accident
[ ] see someone get in a car accident
[ ] got in a fist fight
[x] laughed until you couldn't breathe
[x] lauged until you cried
[ ] peed your pants from laughing
[ ] had an amazing year
[ ] are going to look back with no regrets


Top 5 things of 2008
1. getting engaged!
2. graduating college
3. moving out of Gram and Pop's house
4. spending a week in NE with Sadie
5. seeing lots of Ashley

Worst 5 things of 2008.
1. Melanie getting so sick this summer
2. my mother's mental health issues
3. getting laid off at the hospital
4. student loans kicking in at $384 per month
5. not being able to afford anything

Top 5 anticipations of 2009
1. getting a full-time job
2. planning a wedding!
3. getting a house with James
4. saving money
5. keeping Melanie alive and well

Top 5 Worries of 2009
1. not getting a full-time job
2. the drama that comes with wedding planning
3. not being able to afford anything
4. Melanie dying
5. my parents splitting up

5 People I got closer with in 2008 that rule
1. James
2. James's family
3. my brother
4. Ashley
5. Sadie

Resolutions of 2009
1. lose 20-30 pounds and get back to my normal weight
2. plan an awesome wedding
3. save a TBD percentage of my paycheck
4. try not to care so much/so deeply when people dick me over
5. get a car somehow
I am almost finished Christmas shopping.

James is getting socks and underwear, because no lie, that is absolutely all he wants from me. I did the same thing for his birthday. Evidently, we're already an old, married couple.

Almost all the presents for my family, from me and James (and Melanie, because Melanie always gives presents and signs cards haha) have been purchased and wrapped.

I got my dad a shirt and my brother a shirt. I got my mom this Christmas DVD set because she loves most of those movies. I'd been saying for a few years that I'll find them on DVD someday and I looked and there they were, hah.

I got Marc and Cheryl a nice frame to put a wedding picture in, and a personalized ornament for their first Christmas as a married couple. I got Frankie an Oakland Raiders Santa hat, which I'm sure he'll love.

There is a picture on my camera of Gram, Mom, me, and Cheryl at my cousin's now-wife Kelli's bridal shower. Gram loves this photo, so I got a nice frame to put it in and I'm going to paint "The Mozdian Girls" on the frame. She keeps talking about doing this herself, and I know she doesn't expect it from me. She'd have a hard time doing the writing with the arthritis in her hands.

I made a necklace for Marisa last night with blue, dark purple, and clear Swarovski crystals. I think she's really going to like it. Ashley wants a shirt that says LGBTerrific! so I'm making her one. =D

I have part of Courtney's present ready and I'm sure James will get her something else from us. I don't know what we're getting for his parents, but that's his job to figure out. =)

My dad's family used to throw all the adults' names into a hat and everyone would pick someone. Grandchildren received a gift from each family (like my parents bought for all my cousins, and I got a gift from each aunt/uncle) until they either a) graduated from high school, or b) ended up in jail, whichever came first. [I wish I were kidding about the jail part--I'm not. There are 17 grandchildren, so there have to be some bad eggs I geuss.] Significant others also get put in the "hat".

We didn't do the exchange last year because no one in my dad's family hosts holidays anymore. My grandparents used to do it at their house, then just Grandma did it after Grandpa died, but when she got older my uncle Ernie started doing them at his house. He continued this after Grandma died but the house he was renting got sold (by Marisa's parents actually, they rented to him for like 11 years before they broke down and sold the house) and his new place is too small. No one else has the room/wants the whole giant family in their home, so we don't meet for holidays. But this year we're doing the gift exchange somehow. I have my cousin Jen and James has my aunt Donna. Figures he gets the easy one and I get one I don't know what to buy for!

That's all the Christmas shopping I still have to do. Something for Pop from James and I, probably something else for Grandma from James and I, something for Jennifer from me, and something for James from Donna. Then I am FINISHED.

- - - - -

Funny story. Since I've had my engagement ring, I always wear it. I take it off to bathe and to do dishes though. Yesterday I had it off to do those things and forgot to put it back on before I went out. I almost turned back for it, but I had a lot of running around to do so I didn't.

While I was at the mall, I saw a ton of people who asked to see the ring. Of course, lol. Michelle had already seen it, but I ran into Sara, Katie, Kiki and Jim, one of the Godlewski boys (I can't tell them apart anymore!), my old coworker Danielle. All of whom wanted to see the ring and I couldn't show them. The way things happen.

- - - - -

CHRISTMAS CARDS! I bought stamps yesterday so I actually get to send cards this year.

Rue, Tracy, Melanie, Gabi, I need your addresses. Comments are screened. =)
So even though all my bridesmaids are busty and would have awesome boobs in this dress:

There are a few problems with it. The first one is that trumpet skirts tend to be unflattering on girls with bigger hips, which may or may not be a problem for Ashley and Sadie but would be a problem for Courtney. I don't want my girls to feel weird about their dresses. I also didn't look at the back of the dress when I fell in love with it. It actually has what might be described as a BUTT BOW OH NO:

So I have decided I like this dress better:

Srtle 6493 in purple. The skirt is more flattering to bigger hips and I have heard that empire waists flatter tummy pooches. (Maybe I should look into one for myself!) It has optional spaghetti straps, so if all my girls like this dress they'll have to decide whether they want the straps or not.

I still have to show Marisa the dress I think she will like. Hers doesn't matter as much because she'll have her own dress in its own color, I just think the dress I was looking at will look stunning on her.

Honestly, I hope the dresses can be picked without too much problem. I love Alfred Angelo's colors and I've heard great things, so I really want to use that designer. I want floor length gowns, though. I think it looks classier than tea length, and I know Marisa would not wear anything but floor length, so I won't have my bridesmaids in shorter dresses and my maid of honor in a floor length. My other problem was that lots of the floor length dresses I liked have sweep trains. I thought this was a little weird, and my mother said I should absolutely be the only one wearing a train at my wedding. James's mom (my FMIL--isn't that weird!?) agreed. So not sweep trains for anyone.

My mom wants to take me dress shopping soon. I plan to wear her gown, but it will need to be altered, so I think it will be a good idea for me to try on some other dresses and see what looks nice. We'll have to wait to go, though, because I'm like a size bigger than is normal for me/I should be. Yes my jeans are a size 2 and whatever, but I have had a difficult time getting into them for a while. I'm pushing 130 pounds right now and I'm normally/like to be around 110 or less. I know 130 isn't much. I could probably be 150 and still be considered "thin". But I like my body more around 110. I've also got this tummy pooch that resembles a pregnant belly. Not a large pregnant belly, but a just-beginning-to-show pregnant belly.

Rather than trusting a scale completely I'm going to buy one of those little flexible measuring tapes and see how many inches I can lose I think. That in combination with a scale will be better I think. James and I are going to push each other because we've both gained some weight this year. We got lazy and now we're getting fat, haha. We'll figure it out. =)
Oh yes, it starts already.

I was thinking about naming schemes for the tables at our reception. I initially thought it would be cool to have the colors of the rainbow, but that only gives us 7 tables, and at 8 per table, we'll have way the fuck more than 56 guests I'm sure.

Then I saw an idea on The Knot, which has been my favorite website for like 4 months now. TV/movie couples! So far I have:
Lucy and Ricky
Fred and Wilma
Harry and Sally
Kevin and Winnie
Wesley and Buttercup
Noah and Allie
Mork and Mindy
Homer and Marge
Peter and Lois

And of course...
Meredith and Derek
Han and Leia

I hope James is okay with this idea, because I really really want to use it!

I don't think I discussed colors on here yet. I picked them a long time ago. PURPLES. We'll hopefully be ordering bridesmaids dresses from Alfred Angelo. My bridesmaids will be in purple and Marisa, my maid of honor, will be in eggplant.

I found two dresses I really like that I need to ask my girls about.

That is style 7006 in eggplant.

That is style 7005 in purple. The strap would be eggplant to match the MOH.

Or maybe I could reverse the dresses and have Marisa in style 7005, eggplant, with a purple strap to match the BMs. Or maybe all my girls will hate both dresses and we'll decide on different ones, haha.

James will think it's premature to be thinking about bridesmaid dresses. I still have one, maybe two girls to ask to be my bridesmaids, and James hasn't asked any groomsmen yet. He also doesn't plan to until we're like 6 months out, because he's worried about relationships changing and stuff. Which I can totally understand--if we'd gotten married 4 years ago, my bridal party would be totally different with the exception of Marisa as MOH. And since we promised each other that we'd be each others' MOH when we were like 7, that is never going to change, hah.

Neither of us want to look at our wedding pictures in 5 or 10 years and wonder what happened to members of our bridal party. Considering Marisa and I have been BFFs since the first day of kindergarten, that isn't changing. Courtney isn't going to stop being James's sister so she certainly isn't going anywhere. Ashley is actually one of my more recent close friends--we met when I was 16, at camp, a few months after I started dating James actually. But I see her more often than I see a lot of my other friends and we live an hour apart. I would also like to ask my cousin Caitlin. We aren't as close as we used to be, but she's my closest cousin and I always pictured her in my wedding. And I have a phone call to Nebraska to make tomorrow to officially ask Sadie, and also to wish my favorite little man a happy birthday! If Caitlin doesn't want to be a BM and/or if Sadie can't do it, I have a few friends in mind I'd like to ask. Even if said friends don't end up in the wedding party, I plan to ask them to read or something to give them a special part of the ceremony/day.

For favors I want to have plants of some kind. I know favors often just get thrown away, so I'd like to give something that's at least partly biodegradable. I think a stalk of lucky bamboo would be nice, maybe inside a tall shot glass with purple marbles, but that might get expensive.

I also have this Christmas cactus I always thought would be neat to incorporate somehow, maybe into the centerpieces. It's this plant my dad got me when I was 3, before we left for vacation at Ocean City, MD. [He also got me a stuffed bear dressed up as a duck--"Ducky Bear"--that I still have.] Well as some of you may remember, right before the prom when I was in 9th grade, there was a fire in my pantry. There was a candle and we're pretty sure Cassie knocked some clothes into it, and it all caught fire. My dad put it out but most everything in the pantry was burned, including my cactus that hung in the window. That thing was DEAD. Half of the plant was burned away, and what wasn't was all charred and gray and sad looking. They put it in the backyard by like a pile of trash or something. And that damn plant came back to life and bloomed! I couldn't believe it, and it's still in my house and everything. I love that damn plant and I love its story and I love that it can symbolize love coming through hard times. Is that the sappiest, craziest thing, to want to incorporate that plant into my wedding? It won't even be blooming flowers in May--it blooms in November. OH WHAT TO DO!

Thankfully I have so much time to plan!

RUE, GWEN, MELANIE, TRACY, ANGE, I am especially interested to see what you ladies think about all this, as you have recently planned or are currently planning beautiful weddings of your own! [Ange, I imagine you're planning, and even if you're not, you will be soon I'm sure!]
I love Thanksgiving, even though holidays are so crazy for us.

James and I had dinner here with my parents and Allan. It was an excellent time that included James eating 2 pieces of pie in like 45 seconds and James and my dad making fun of the way I say "pumpkin" when I'm not thinking about it. Oh, and then James fell asleep on our couch with Cassie on his lap. TOO CUTE. I took a picture and I'll definitely add it to this entry tomorrow because it's precious.

Then we had dinner at Gram and Pop's at 3 with Uncle Frank, Uncle Marc, and his new wife Cheryl. Marc was showing Cheryl family photos and stuff in these old albums, which I always love to look at. I should note that everyone says I look like my mother--seriously, everyone in the universe says my mom and I look alike, except for my mom and I. But there are some pictures of my mom, that if I didn't know better, I'd think they were pictures of me. So I guess there's something to it, haha.

Gram told me recently that she told Marc about the engagement, but when Gram asked Cheryl if she saw my ring Cheryl was like "oh my God you guys got engaged!?" and it came as a surprise to both of them. So I don't know where Gram was coming from, lol. I guess there's a show Cheryl watched all the time before her wedding and she said I had to watch it, too. I am interested to see how their wedding pictures came out, because I liked their photographer when I spoke with her so if the pictures came out okay I might get her information and try to book her. I'm definitely going to get the information for their caterer, too, because the food was quite good.

I took like 80 pictures at their wedding. I edited them in Photoshop and put them on a CD for Cheryl, with the originals and edited versions. She seemed to really appreciate that, because now she has something to show her mom. I also gave a copy of the CD to Grandma, so she can take it to a photo kiosk and get them printed if she wants. I did that with a bunch of pictures recently for her and she liked it. I had pictures of Cheryl's shower, Kelli's (cousin Gary's wife) shower, random pictures of Thumper I think, some of Molly, and some other ones I took while I lived there. She really liked that one, so I'm sure she'll like this one as well. Plus I was worried that if I gave a photo CD to Cheryl and not to Gram, that Gram would whine about it. Hah.

We kind of ran out on dinner at Gram and Pop's because it started late, and we had to be at James's nana's. We left at like 4:40 or so and got to Nana's close to 5. Their dinner was supposed to start at 4 or 4:30, but his mom is always always late with the dinner, lol, so we figured we'd be okay. Turns out this was the one time I've ever seen it ready on time, so they were waiting for us for a bit. Oops. No one was mad, though.

Dinner at Nana's consisted of her, James, both of his parents, his sister Courtney, and myself. It's always yummy. There was also chocolate pie, for me!, because I don't eat any other kind of pie lol. It was awesome. After dinner James's cousin and her husband showed up, to everyone's surprise because we heard they weren't coming in from their place in Harrisburg until tomorrow.

We stayed for a while but then James and I had an out--we were supposed to go to his dad's sister Mitty's house to see that side of the family and announce our engagement. They all knew he had the ring and everything lol so no one was surprised. I don't think anyone would have been at this point, even if they didn't know about the ring. So that was exciting, because I really like that side of the family. I just really like James's family.

We play Scrabble there a lot because his uncle Jack is like a Scrabble aficionado. One day I'll beat him, though, and it will be awesome. =D

I met his cousin Tyler's girlfriend Amanda for the first time tonight. They've been together for a long time and have lived together for over a year, so I thought he was bringing her in to announce that they, too, had gotten engaged. They didn't, but that would have been fun I think. It was nice to finally meet her anyway--I always had heard about her and have seen pictures, but they live in New Hampshire so we don't see them much. I've only seen Tyler like 3 or 4 times maybe in all the years James and I have been together.

His aunt Terri has a new boyfriend, who seems okay. He made a few comments about us having an OMGblack!president though, which is whatever. No one ever really commented about that after he did because I don't think anyone knew what to say. I just don't think it's ever polite to discuss/make comments about politics and/or race in the company of people you don't know extremely well. It would be one thing if other people, like one of the hosts (it's Mitty and Jack's house) had brought it up, but he was always the one to bring it up. He seemed okay otherwise though.

We left his aunt's earlier than I would have liked, but he stays at Nana's on Thursday nights so he had to be there. She can't be alone at night, so his mom takes 3 days a week, he takes 2 (Mondays and Thursdays) and this Martha lady takes the weekends. Whoever is staying is to get there around 11, so we had to leave early. In theory, I could have stayed with Courtney and their dad and left with them, but I left with James.

Tomorrow is James's mom's birthday. Around noon James and I are going to Bartikowski's, where he got my ring, to look into insurance for it. I also want to look at white gold or silver necklace chains, since I've broken 2 of mine in the last like 4 months so I have all these nice necklace pendants with no chains to wear them on haha. I'm small and need a short chain! Your average-sized chains just drop the pendant right between my boobs, and what good is it there? =D Then I'm going to Ashley's dad's to visit her for lunch, while James and Courtney shop for their mom. I'll see her at some point and then tomorrow night is a bonfire at Joe's cabin. Yay for that!

Oh, and about the last entry. I'm not going to have a wedding filter, I'm just going to talk about it whenever I feel like it in my journal. You can scroll past if you get sick of it. I'm sure you will, as it's a year and a half away but I've had wedding ideas in my head since I was like 7 years old! And hell, I've been planning on marrying James for at least 2 years now, probably longer. It will all be discussed in due time. =))

I'm thinking about creating a wedding filter on here. The only issue is that from time to time I link people to my journal if I don't feel like relaying the same story over and over, so I have people reading who don't have LJ accounts.

Is there anyone on here who really does not want to hear about weddings? You can comment anonymously if you'd rather. I'm just trying to judge whether I should make a filter so I can address wedding posts to just certain people, or if I should just leave them open for all.

Please let me know what you think either way! I'm even going to add a poll so it's easy. :)

Poll #1300008 wedding filter?

Should I have a wedding filter?


If you said yes, is it because you would like to be included or excluded?

James popped the question tonight.

We've been together for 6 years and 7 months. He asked my parents' permission in July. He's had the ring for a while. This has been coming for a long time.



He asked my parents' permission in July while I was in Nebraska with Sadie. He bought the ring shortly after and had been trying to come up with a good way to ask me. He came up with two plans, both of which failed. He told me about plan #1 in the beginning of October and plan #2 the day after it failed.

1) He was going to take me to dinner and have my parents, his parents, his sister, and my brother there. He and our friend/his coworker Lisa went and looked at all these restaurants and he found a nice one. He told my parents of the plan, and my dad never got back to him with his work schedule, despite numerous reminders. My uncle got married on October 24 and he wanted to have this done way before the wedding, in like September at the latest.

2. He was going to propose on my birthday, but he was going to wait until 12:30am, because he'd previously said he wouldn't propose on my birthday. He told his family of this plan and they were supposed to vacate the living room. We went to his house from mine at like 1am and his mother and sister were still in the living room. His mother was staying with his grandmother that night, and we're supposed to go over to her at 11pm, so I have no idea what she was doing 2 hours later lol. She left shortly after, but Courtney stayed awake and in the living room until 3 fucking 20 in the morning on her laptop watching TV. Be the time he got her to go in her room like he'd planned earlier, it was just too late. He was angry and upset about it because seriously, wtf with the two of them? Between my dad and his mom and sister, we were like never going to get engaged, lol.

He just gave it to me last night and asked for the honor of my spending my life with him. We were just in the living room on the couch watching TV. It was like 1am or so.

We told his parents this morning and they congratulated us. Then we came here and told my parents and my brother, more congratulations. Then we went to my grandma's for Pop's birthday (he's 67!) and showed the ring off to Pop, Gram, and my uncle Frank.

Now around 8 we're going to Marisa's so he can hook up a new computer for them. Now I get to show my other family! I'm really liking the whole showing off the ring deal. [Rue, Gwen, did you do the same thing!?] I can't wait for work on Tuesday!


It's custom made. I picked out a nice ring at Van Scoy with Marisa, but James wanted to go to Bartikowski's for it, so Marisa drew the Van Scoy ring for him and he had it custom made at Bartikowski's. Marquise cut, the side diamonds I fell in love with at Van Scoy, white and yellow gold, size 4.5. The center stone is a little bigger than I originally wanted actually, but it's not too big and I think it's just lovely. Too big would look weird on my tiny hands, but too small would be dwarfed by my massive knuckles. I love this ring and it's mine for my WHOLE LIFE!


I don't know if he or I took this picture but I like how happy we look.

We set my camera up on the couch to take a series of these.

SO EXCITING! And thanksthanksthanks for all the comments!!
• reply to this post and I will pick six of your icons.
• make a post (including this info) and talk about the icons I chose.
• other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
• this will create a never ending cycle of icon squee.

Rue picked the first 3 of the icons I'm talking about, and I picked the other 3.

I don't know who made it, but I love it. It's mesmerizing because you can't really tell where the animation stops and starts. There are over 100 frames in the image.

SNL > Russia
From the skit with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. It was hilarious and I had to jump on the bandwagon by using them it.

I've had this for a long time, so I don't know the statistic is actually current, but it still sucks either way. EQUAL RIGHTS FOR EVERYONE PLEASE!

Hanson > animated
I've had this icon a long time as well. James says it would actually be easy to duplicate, but I still think the animation is awesome and looks really complex and everything. Plus, it's Hanson, circa 2003 or so. What could be better!?

NES > Mario > crap
I love this because it's the exact reaction I had every time while playing Super Mario Brothers as a kid. Sometimes I'd get so frustrated and be like "well where IS the stupid princess then!?" =D

GA > swastika
This is a screencap from an episode of Grey's Anatomy last season; Crash Into Me, Part 1 (I believe it was the end of Part 1). Basically, the guy on the table with the tattoo is a white supremacist who doesn't want to let Dr. Bailey (Chandra Wilson, a Black actress) operate on him because she's a woman. So she grabs a man, Dr. Webber (James Pickens, Jr., another Black actor) and the guy doesn't want to be examined by Webber either. They figure out it's because they're Black, but the guy's condition is so bad he needs surgery, so he requests a white doctor to be in the operating room so Bailey doesn't kill him on purpose. When she cuts the scar right down the middle to fix the bleeding in his abdomen, it's just a really powerful and moving scene. Then when she's finished, she sews the tattoo up crooked so it can't be recognized as a swastika anymore. =P ♥ my favorite show!

Comment. I'll pick 6 of your icons. You know you want to.